________________________Three Crosses - by Tony

Interesting view?

2012-01-12T07:52:00.000-06:00

Was reading Seth Godin's blog today and was wondering if there might be a connection to our faith and churches.

What follows is from www.sethgodin.typepad.com

Sold or bought?

Some things are bought--like bottled water, airplane tickets and chewing gum. The vendor sets up shop and then waits, patiently, for someone to come along and decide to buy.
Other things are sold--like cars, placement of advertising in magazines and life insurance. If no salesperson is present, if no pitch is made, nothing happens.
Both are important. Both require a budget and a schedule and a commitment.
Confusion sets in when you're not sure if your product or service is bought or sold, or worse, if you are a salesperson just waiting for people to buy.
-------

While this blog is set in business terms I wonder if there is a connection to how we view our faith? What happens to the Christian faith if no pitch is made - we lessen our chances of others knowing Christ. The same is true of churches. We can set up shop and just hope that someone comes in, but with no pitch we lessen our odds. Just something to think about.

Insulate Yourself?

2011-12-13T07:47:00.000-06:00

Much of my reading these days is related to Leadership. With that in mind I subscribe to Seth Godin's blog, www.sethgodin.typepad.com . I found today's blog very interesting and thought I'd share as there is a lot of wisdom in what he has to say...

Insulate yourself...

From anonymous angry people
Expose yourself to art you don't yet understand
Precisely measure the results that are important to you
Stay blind to the metrics that don't matter
Fail often
Ship
Lead, don't manage so much
Seek out uncomfortable situations
Make an impact on the people who matter to you
Be better at your baseline skills than anyone else
Copyedit less, invent more
Give more speeches
Ignore unsolicited advice

Skimming

2011-12-04T17:09:00.003-06:00

While reading material by Ron Martoia I was struck by a concept he was using - Skimming...

"I think this skimming is an indicator of our inability to go deep.And when you skim, there is a numbness that happens."

My take on his stuff is that technology that was created to help us become more efficient, has really become what bogs us down. This has created life density. With more and more technology we have less and less time to go in depth...Twitter, Email, Blogging, Heytell, fill in your favorite technological short burst information gathering fix! Because of the diversity of information available we choose to get it in short bursts - skimming verses going in depth, or at least we run the risk of this happening.

Then I remembered Ron telling us that we should seriously consider adding quiet time to our daily spiritual lives just as the monastics have for what seems like forever. He also noted, as I have to many in my churches, it's good to have a day away from technology periodically, at least Email, Cell Phone, Twitter, etc...

Funny thing is, that as this information arrived, I found myself in the middle of a great monastic documentary called "Into Great Silence" on Netflix. It's 161 minutes of following Monks as they live out their lives in a cloistered community - and as the title notes - it's mostly silence. Seriously, except for calling the cats and chanting, it's silence. Unless you're into monasticism and spiritual disciplines, this documentary will not be for you! These men have taken this spiritual discipline of quiet time to another level!

I must admit that I do try to practice this spiritual discipline of having a quiet time,but I must also confess that I am a slave to Email and I text quite a bit. (I have refrained form having a Facebook account) I must also note that I am guilty of what Ron is referring to as skimming. I have also found that when I have a conversation void of technology with my wife or daughters it does go much more in depth and is more meaningful.

So, I like Ron's concept of skimming and I think that technology has its place. But be careful allowing it to create life density and shy us away from in depth meaningful moments in life.

That's just my take on it, your mileage may vary!

How did I get into this?

2011-11-30T08:09:00.001-06:00

Several months ago I decided to give running a try. Why? I'm not sure. I'm in relatively good shape, working out weekly at a nearby gym. The gym is also where I go to share the church/Christ oddly enough. Most there know that I'm a minister and they refer to me as "Rev". I spend a ton of time discussing theological issues there.

Back to running...

One day I decided that I haven't given it a try so I thought I'd add it to the long list of attempted things in my life. I started out with just a jog for a mile but within about 4 weeks I ran 10 miles without stopping with another minister friend of mine. Boy did that make me tired! Since then, I have stuck with it completing several long runs (for me) including most recently 12 miles without stopping. I enjoy running the local greenways the most.

If you aren't regularly exercising then I hope you'll consider it. Walking or running can be a blast, especially outdoors - and yes, I will run in the winter outdoors as well.

Outdoor Weekend

2011-08-01T09:12:00.002-05:00

Early Wednesday I decided to declare the weekend an outdoor weekend.

Thursday Night - it all really started on Thursday night with a night dive at the Madison Quarry - a local scuba park with sunken stuff - boats, planes, rockets, cars, etc... What you see in the picture is a diver at night with their light on. It's a really cool scene you see several divers illuminating the water with their underwater lights!

Friday - Decided to do a 100 mile motorcycle ride to Lake Guntersville.

Saturday - Drove to Bucks Pocket with my daughter and explored the park and an incredible dry creek bed with boulders taller than my house. After getting home hiked the Wade Mountain Green Trail.

Sunday - hiked the Green Mountain Green Trail once again.

It was nice to get away from the normal stuff of life just to be outdoors. If you haven't tried an outdoor weekend then I would highly recommend it. This has personally made me consider being outdoors more than ever.

Jesus knew what he was doing when he decided to occasionally withdraw from the crowds.

Eye Opener

2011-07-27T08:31:00.001-05:00

I am currently reading the book unChristian. WOW! Is it an eye opener on how those outside the church see us on the inside. It is not pretty!

One of the alarming statistics is that we appear to be losing the 16-29 year old's at an alarming rate.

In order to become relevant again for all ages, the churches I serve are in the process of taking a critical look at how relevant we are in our own community. Some of our conclusions weren't so good. We recognized that we may have lost some of our relevancy related to our Vision Statement - Taking Risks to Change Lives.

We are now in the process of visioning for our future, attempting to live up to our Vision Statement.

This process, while tough to swallow at first, has created intense excitement. We are visioning for the future, trying to determine what we need to do to be relevant and edgy in a world that is rapidly changing.

It's an exciting place to be in the life of our churches!

Radical

2011-01-19T08:14:00.003-06:00

At one of the churches I serve we have started a small group ministry that is having a huge impact on people's lives.
In the group that I lead we are reading a book by David Platt entitled, "Radical". One of the many eye opening ideas by Platt really caught my attention and I wanted to share it.
Basically he notes that many times we try to soften the words of Christ and rationalize them away because his words are often offensive and require a very high level of commitment, but what if Jesus really meant what he said? (My paraphrase)

Something to think about...

Just my thoughts...

Bonhoeffer Thoughts

2010-12-17T11:30:00.007-06:00

I am currently reading "Bonhoeffer - Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy" almost daily. Bonhoeffer as a person and theologian has held my interest since Seminary after hearing of his classic book "The Cost of Discipleship".

As I started reading I wanted to write "No Hunting" on the cover. Ministers will be familiar with this term that means, no hunting in this book for sermon related stuff. I tried to do that, to read for just the sheer pleasure. I have failed! It now has the glowing yellow lines that have made their way into so many of my books, courtesy of the Accent Highlighter.

So I have decided to periodically share some of this book with you.

Today I have highlighted - "Bonhoeffer began proactively, putting forth the notion that Christ had been exiled from the lives of most Christians. "of course," he said, "we build him a temple, but we live in our own houses." Religion had been exiled to Sunday morning, to a place "into which one gladly withdraws for a couple of hours, but only to get back to one's place of work immediately afterward." He said that one cannot give him only a "small compartment in our spiritual life,' But must give him everything or nothing...."People should at least understand and concede this if they call themselves Christian."

Something to think about.

Just my thoughts,

Tony

Placing a Premium on Worship...

2010-07-25T18:52:00.006-05:00

Today we finished part 3 of a 3 part series on Worship at both of my churches. Part one focused on participating in Worship, Part 2, focused on the fact that Worship is not about us - it's about God. Part 3 focused on why we worship, as we looked at the 10 Commandments.

We've all heard people say, "they don't go to church but they're a good person" or something similar. Francis Chan, through a video, reminded us that we don't get to decide if we are a "good person" or not - God does. He noted that the question shouldn't be, "Am I a good person", but we should be asking, "Am I good enough to get to heaven?"

We then noted how good a person we are when our lives are held up against the 10 Commandments. No one came out unscathed in that comparison! :-) We concluded that we are all in need of God's Grace.

By the time all was said and done, we were challenged to place a premium on Worship each and every Sunday to show our appreciation for God's GRACE.

On Sundays our lives tend to reflect how much we really value God's Grace by how often we attend Worship each month.

I hope that this series challenged everyone to re-consider what Worship is and what its about. Ultimately, I hope that each person will reflect on their Worship attendance and begin, if they don't already, to place a premium on Worship every week.

I must admit that this series was "preached to the choir" as we're having two great months in Worship attendance - in the middle of Summer!

Worship

2010-07-14T09:05:00.005-05:00

In my two churches, The Harbour and Genesis United Methodist Church, we are in the middle of a three part series focusing on Worship.

In doing research for this series it has become evident that we sometimes forget that Worship is something we do for God and not something God does for us. I mean it's Worship after all.

I have personally been reminded that we get out of Worship what we've put into it.

It has been a time of reflection as well. I have thought about the times that I have attended Worship at various churches wondering what the church was going to do for me. There were times where I'm sure I was even somewhat critical of what was taking place.

I am being reminded of the importance of preparation and participation when it comes to Worship. Praying each day that something awesome will happen the following Sunday in corporate Worship. Praying in the Sanctuary during the week that someones life might be transformed. Praying that we might present something pleasing to God as we are in His presence - it is Worship after all.

I find that when I prepare in advance and wholeheartedly participate, Worship takes on a whole new meaning and renews me until out next time together in corporate Worship.

Anyway, that's how I see it...

Cancer update - been a while

2010-06-30T07:47:00.004-05:00

For whatever reason I have not had a desire to write on this blog since my last Cancer post. But I feel like I'm ready to go again!

So, Cancer Update...

I am doing MUCH better now.

With my Radiology Oncologist I am on the low maintenance list only reporting for duty once a year now! With my Oncologist I only go about every 6 months! This is an improvement over visiting one doctor or another every 3 months. Best part is they have stopped sticking things down my nose! Man that can make your eyes water!

I have been told that if the cancer stays away for 10 years I will be declared healed (said in my best TV evangelist voice - Heeaaleeed with a slap on the forehead for good measure). Was not crazy about that number but whatcha ya gonna do?

Taste is at about 98% and only some chocolate stuff doesn't taste right.

Things are pretty much back to normal

Life is good!

Radiation Treatments - for those interested in my personal stuff!

2008-06-09T08:39:00.049-05:00

In this post I'm going to keep a running update on my Radiation Treatments. I thank God that the doctors believe that my Cancer is in the past tense and my radiation treatments are a preventative measure.

I will update this post each time something new happens as opposed to a new blog each time.

So now I begin a post that I never thought I'd have to write, but stuff happens!

April

End of April I have what I believe is the Flu. Check my throat to see why it's sore. It's sore on the left side but I notice nodule on the right side.

Go to my Family Doctor. He doesn't like the way the nodule looks. Quickly sets up an appointment with an ENT for the 5th of March.

March 5th

Visit ENT and he doesn't believe that there is anything to the nodule but I need to have it surgically removed.

April
2nd

Have surgery at Creestwood Medical Center in Huntsville. Surgery goes as planned and nodule is sent to pathology.

3rd

Get a call from ENT informing me that things are not OK, it's cancer. But he believes that he got it all. Unfortunately this type of cancer may have come from another place in my body and manifested itself as a nodule in my throat. ENT sets up appointment with a Oncology doctor and schedules blood work to be done
the next day.

4th
Go to Lab for blood work.

9th

Morning
Go to appointment with my family doctor for my annual physical that had been planned for over 6 months. Men, you know what this one is about!

Afternoon
Go to see my Oncologist. Tells me that the nodule was actually a tumor and I need to have 4 tests. Those tests included - blood work, bone scan, PET scan and a bone marrow biopsy. I told him the blood work was complete and he came back and told me the blood work looked fine. I decided to have the bone marrow biopsy done that day.

Bone Marrow Biopsy
This is a procedure that is done in the office while you're awake! They take what my wife said looked similar to a meat thermometer and basically twist it into your bone in the hip area and then extract bone plasma. After that they actually take a small piece of bone! Did i mention that this is all done with a local anesthetic? OUCH!

Late Afternoon
Meet once again with my ENT to discuss what's about to happen.
This was a very emotional and intense day for me.

May
1st

Bone Scan
Basically a bunch of X-rays, no big deal.

PET Scan
This one was a little more interesting. When they asked me if I was claustrophobic I should have known something was up!

It begins with a nurse bringing in the material that would be put in my IV, in what looked like a steel toolbox - realize now that was because it was radioactive. The material is run through my IV and I sit for about 45 minutes.

Then I go for the actual scan. I lay down on a table, the tech then places a Velcro blanket around me so I can't move my upper body then send me into the small tube. I now understand the claustrophobic concern as she says Mr. Johnson you may want to close your eyes! I survive this one with a lot of prayer!

All tests come back in my favor!

Tumor Board
A few days later my Oncologist calls and tells me that he presented my case to the Tumor Board. This is a board of doctors that discuss cancer treatments that are best suited for each case. He informs me that they believe that the best way to treat any potential residual cancer cells left from the original surgery will be Radiation Treatments.

6th
Meet with my Radiology Oncologist who explains what I need to go through. Tells me that they believe that this is a preventative measure to be sure all cancer cells are gone.
He informs me:

I'll have a loss of taste for maybe up to 2 years. Some should come back within 9 months after treatments end. I will likely lose some of my salivary process. (this keeps your teeth healthy as well as making it easy to swallow)

I'll need a deep cleaning at my Dentist because there is a slight chance that my back teeth won't fare well if I don't take care of them due to the lack of saliva.

I'll develop a very sore throat.

Exercising will help the overall process.

Due to lack of taste I'll need to be sure to keep my body weight up.

I'll be fitted with a thermoplastic mask to keep my head in perfect position for radiation treatments.

You will get a little tired after each radiation treatment and a power nap here and there will help.

14th

Simulation
Today I got fitted with my mask. I hated this experience! You lay down on a table. They take this flat sheet of mesh thermoplastic and place it on your face. As it dries it begins to vacuum fit you face from your upper bicep over your head. It is very tight! Then they screw your mask to the table. It's so tight that I feel like I can't swallow! My teeth are clinched together very tightly as well. No fun on this day.

June

1st

Treatments Begin!
Typical treatment day...

3:30 PM
Take nausea medication and leave house after drinking a ton of water all day. medication is to help with any nausea from a shot that I have to take EVERY DAY to help salvage my saliva process.

4:00 PM
Arrive at Clearview Cancer Institute. Get weighed and have blood pressure taken. Proceed to Chemotherapy room for my shot (not chemotherapy, only administered in that room). Because I will have so many shots, I have a choice to take then in my thigh, tricep or abdomen. Once I get my shot, I have to stay there for a minimum of 15 minutes to be sure I don't have a reaction and to be sure my blood pressure doesn't drop drastically low.

4:30 PM Go downstairs to the Radiology office and check in for my 5:00 treatment.

5:00 PM Go into the radiation room, lay down on the table and have the MASK placed on my shoulders and face and have it snapped to the table. Tech then makes sure all lasers are aligned and then leaves the room. The radio is playing. If I panic (which I did once during a trial run) all I have to do is raise my hand. It takes thee tech roughly 10 seconds to unlock the mechanical vault door to get to me to unsnap the mask. The treatments last about 10 minutes but in that mask seems like an eternity. I spend that time saying the Lord's Prayer, the Apostle's Creed and praying for the church and our members at The Harbour and Genesis. There is no feeling like hearing the vault door open and hearing the radiation tech say it all done. Then the snaps are unsnapped and I'm good to go.

I will have 28 of these treatments I believe before it's all over.

Thus far, by the grace of God, it has not slowed me down really as far as the church is concerned or life overall. I still have about the same type day as before all this happened. I have been feeling a bit nauseous from the sot but I'm going to try something today to help that. I have also lost some taste and feel tired every now and then. But I have set the time so that I can get everything done at church and for my family then I have the evenings to be a slacker if I need to!

All my doctors have been great throughout all this! Natalie and Brett the Radiation Techs (place me in my mask) have been the best at understanding that I really don't care for this contraption!My daughter also sits with them as my treatment is taking place as she has to drive me to and from these treatments, and they tell her everything that they are doing.

My family, friends, churches, my DS, my Bishop, and accountability partner, have been very supportive throughout this process and to that I thank Christ for such great support.

Stay tuned as I update this blog on a regular basis.

June 13
Had my 9th treatment today! For those keeping score, you're wondering why it wasn't number 10 since I've been at it for 2 weeks! Well I've been informed by other patients that the radiation machine occasionally breaks something which has to be repaired. Unfortunately that happened this week and adds a day to my completion date. Booooo!

Today was the hardest day with my eating situation. I did eat what I wanted, but every bite was a struggle. Food just seems repulsive to me now. My favorite meal currently is a protein shake with: honey, 2 packs of strawberries and cream oatmeal, and 3 scrambled eggs, all mixed in the blender - yes, even the cooked eggs, I really do like it. The texture of foods is really whacked to me now, it's just repulsive! I need to keep my weight up each week and so far I've accomplished that goal. Many people choose to have a feeding tube while having head and neck radiation. Maybe that tells you how bad the taste of food can become. It also tells you how bad the lack of taste becomes - it's just hard to describe if you've never experienced it.

Even with all this stuff this week, especially today, I'm doing really well.

The highlight today may have been in the Chemo room (I don't take chemo treatments, it's just where the nurses give me my shot every day before radiation) with a first timer. I could tell she was very apprehensive, who wouldn't be. So I did my best to let her know that she could do it. I explained how I had the mask thingy and if I could do that she could get through it too. She thanked me several times before it was time for me to go. God has used ME in the wildest places!

Until next time - don't have another treatment until Monday! Hooray for today!

June 20th
Well, today is the halfway point! Thought I would be more excited than I am about this milestone but being a pessimist I realize that I have just as far to go as I've been! Oh well, one more day closer nonetheless!

My eating situation is still beyond explanation unless you have been through this. I now get up every day desperately dreading each meal or lack thereof. It's still all liquids and they are very difficult to swallow (not due to a sore throat or anything, it's just repulsive). I know I must supply my body with the nutrients but it's a struggle with every bite or swallow. This week I even tried putting creamed corn and chicken chili in the blender to get some regular food in me. I drank it, but not again!

This will sound grosser than it really is, but I have now been told I have the start of a yeast infection in my MOUTH. This is very common with head and neck radiation patients and somewhat expected. I have medication to take care of it!

I have now started to really dread the smell of the Chemo room where I get my Ethyol shot every day before my radiation treatment. Hard to explain but smells can drive me crazy now.

I think I'm going to start a "Desired Food" list for when this is all over, and it will end and I know that! Currently a few Big Macs and large fries are at the top of the list. This is odd since I haven't had one in probably 2 years (I eat mostly chicken). Then a chicken burrito from Rossie's Cantina and then BBQ from Jim and Nicks in Birmingham (or Destin - all food tastes better in Destin). I think I'll order the pulled pork plate with mashed potatoes and mac and cheese - yum! After sharing this food list with my accountability partner in the ministry, he called and told me he was at McDonald's eating a Big Mac and fries in my honor!

Please pray that eating (Drinking) will become easier and I quit dreading every meal. I do not want a feeding tube! But, if I can do all I can to make it to my last treatment then each day we're a day closer to my taste coming back. That's the disappointing part, even when the daily radiation treatments are over, it will still be a long time before my taste comes back.

Overall, I'm still doing great even in the midst of all this. The Mask Time (when I'm snapped to the table for the treatments) has become much easier (answered prayer) and that's now when I pray for stuff and also thank God for all the great stuff that is happening at the churches I serve(sometimes we forget that God is still doing cool stuff even in the midst of stuff like this!) So my hopes are high as I write this with 14 treatments under my belt and only 14 left to go!

Until next time...

June 22
Today started out as an interesting day. I woke up and noticed hair on what I thought was my pillow (could have been my wife's as they look the same). But then I remembered that my wife had a hair cut the day before and wrote it off as that.

But after getting out of the shower I noticed a lot of hair in the tub - gross I know but... Then I got the mirror to look for the obvious - I am losing hair in a couple of patches on my head. This is a side effect of radiation. Unlike Chemo, where you may lose large amounts of hair, radiation causes small patches to go missing! I believe it might be related to the direction of the radiation beam going through your body. I just pray that I don't end up looking like someone threw an angry cat on my head!

I am now asking everyone to officially refer to me as Patch Johnson! Oh well, whatcha gonna do?

I start down the other side of the mountain tomorrow and when the day is finished I have less treatments to go than when I started (today I sit at the halfway point with 14 treatments left).

I realized today that I might actually have more than 3 weeks left - boo, a mental thing! Why? The odds are the Cancer Institute will be closed on July 4th and there is always the possibility of the machine being down again at some point for maintenance.

Anyway, that's all for now. All is well and my spirits are high leading into Monday, even if my new name is Patch! :-)

June 26 - 27
These two days have been the most difficult. For whatever reason I have not been feeling well after my Ethyol shots every evening.

It's impossible to eat. Just bought a product from GNC that gives me 1000 calories per glass! My dietitian is interested in me keeping my calories as high as possible each day. This should help me keep my weight as close as possible to normal. I'm losing very little weight at this point so it shouldn't be a problem.

Each day is still a struggle with the blender foods. My meals exist pretty much of Ensure, milk shakes with peanut butter, oatmeal, ice cream, and honey.

Taste issues. I'm not sure how anyone can prepare you for the taste issues you encounter with head and neck radiation. It's hard to even explain except with others that have gone through this. While I still can only really taste traces of chocolate, the taste is distorted - not good distortion! So I always feel hungry and there is no way to stop it with liquids. Even when I have a shake, I dread it from the preparation phase, to the time that I actually swallow it. Keep in mind it only takes about 20 seconds to swallow it but it's so repulsive, the taste and texture in your mouth. I then quickly rinse my mouth with water to clear the taste before I gag.

A few days ago I did get to talk about my taste issues with another head and neck radiation patient. His family had ordered a pizza and a calzone. He tried to eat just one bite of the calzone (his favorite) and said he just couldn't do it. His wife, sitting by his side said, I can't understand why you can't just swallow. I looked at him and said I do!

On Monday I will be on treatment 20 of 28! I thought I would feel better about it at this point, I mean it would appear the end is in sight. But 9 more treatments are a full 2 weeks considering the 4th of July (Cancer Center is closed). In my mind that means about 42 plus shakes to keep my weight up. On top of that, it will take time for me to get my taste back and the right feeling in my mouth with food texture etc... So, in my mind I've still got a looooong ways to go!

At the present, I don't really focus much on the long term. Take one day at a time has never meant as much as it does now in my life. It's really one meal at a time for me. Each meal I'm thankful to Christ that that one is behind me and we're a little closer to getting back to a normal routine.

Once again, overall I'm doing really well! Praise God. My throat, while sore, isn't as bad as some other patients that I see daily. I do not have any radiation burns yet on my neck. These are basically like a really bad sunburn. When they start, if they start, I at least will only have a couple of weeks of it. I pray that it never happens. One of my friends has it currently and is in dire straights. Can't keep his shirt on it hurts so bad. I am still losing my hair though! But it really doesn't look any worse then some bad haircuts I've had in the past. There may come a time when I have to trim my hair really close but I will wait until all other options are exhausted.

I continue to function about like normal. I'm able to get all my church related activities taken care of except for Hospital visitation. I have chosen not to take a chance of getting something while my immune defenses are working with the radiation. I do rest a good bit when I'm at home. I'm actually writing this on Saturday and I'm looking forward to Worship tomorrow. My churches have been very supportive throughout this entire process and for that I'm thankful. I really want to personally operate as close to 100% as possible throughout this process.

Ultimately I appreciate the support of my family. They have been wonderful throughout this entire process. My wife and I were discussing this journey this morning and both admitted that it seems like it's been going on forever. My daughters have been very helpful and nurturing and my wife has been the BEST! I don't know how I could have made it this far without her.

Before someone says what about Christ, you never mentioned Christ. To that I'd say don't even go there with me. If you know anything about me and the way I live my life you already know that one's a given! So for those that may not know me, know this, I could not endure this without Christ. Make no mistake.

Last but not least, and this is ironic... I find myself constantly watching the Food Network channel! My wife saw me watching it thee other day and asked why are you watching that? I told her that it's no different than when I'm dreaming about big sailboats or motorcycles! In my mind, as I watch them create great looking and tasting food, I'm thinking, one day...

Until next time...

July 2

The last few days have been the toughest. I'm starting to be more nauseated during the day now. Yesterday after getting my Ethyol shot I started to feel like I was going to have the dry heaves and left the Chemo room where I take the shot. I went and stood in the hall. While there my cancer doctor walked up and asked how I was doing. After explaining what was going on and how long I had left, he said that these last days are the hardest, just hang in there.

After taking my radiation yesterday I saw my doctor. He said that I looked great. My throat looked really good and should heal quickly. We discussed various options related to the nausea.

On the way home I got really sick in the car. Got a bad case of the dry heaves once again and could not wait to get home. There really is no place like home! After arriving, I fell a sleep which is the usual post radiation thing for me at this stage of the game.

I need to say how great my family has been in the midst of all this. This has created a very different summer than any we've experienced. For my oldest daughter, home from college, we've not been able to do our usual fun summer stuff and she will be heading off to school again before we know it. That has been weighing in heavily on me lately. Then there's my wife. All she currently sees of me are my sick parts of the day. She leaves early for work each day, mornings are when I feel the best, and then she returns in the late afternoon, which is my worst time of day. So for several weeks now all she has known is the side of me that hasn't felt well. But, praise God, I do usually feel pretty good on weekends! My youngest daughter is probably the only one that gets to see the whole picture. My entire family has been through the ringer with me throughout this entire experience and I'm looking forward to a big celebration with them once this is over and my taste is back.

I also need to thank both of my churches for offering so much support throughout all this. They have been very clear about me taking care of myself. While I have yet to miss a day due to radiation or miss a Sunday, I do know if that day presents itself that it will all be fine. I did have to go home early yesterday due to a sinus infection! Go figure.

Today I'll end by asking that you pray for my family first and me second. They have been through so much and it must be scary for your dad and husband to have been diagnosed with cancer and see him go through all this horrible stuff. But, this too shall pass!

Until next time...

July 3

The morning starts out as most mornings these days - not well! Just have a funny feeling in my stomach that I can't seem to shake off.

But that's not the highlight of my day. I get a call from the Cancer Center informing me that the radiation machine is not working properly and they are cancelling all appointments for today. You're kidding me! That means instead of finishing next Friday, it will put me through another weekend, finishing on Monday - bummer! Well, they tell me if things change they will let me know. A quick prayer is now needed. It will be mentally devistating if I have to endure another weekend without being finished with this mess.

About 2:00 pm. I get a call that the machine has been repaired, could I still come today. I'll be there in 20 minutes! Got it in and I'm still on schedule praying that all is well this upcoming week - will be finished on Friday.

July 4

Several days ago my oldest daughter gave me a book - Wide Awake by Erwin McManus. In it he writes about living out our dreams. Hold this thought...

As you have read in earlier posts I have lost a lot of hair on the back of my head. It's now to the point that I feel funny being in public except at my churches and around people that I know. It really looks goofy.

So...

Today I decide to live out a dream that I've had for a long time - to have a bald head. I know it's weird to hear this with someone that has a head full of hair but... I go to the internet to learn all the head shave tricks - YouTube is great! Pull out my clippers - I've been cutting my own hair for years, and start the process. First a number 4 guard, then a 3,2,1, then just the clippers. I felt this was the best plan of attack so if at any level I didn't have the dome to strongly support the baldy, I could stop. At each level I thought it looked good so I took a razor and took it to the scalp. Of course those that rock the baldy know that it's all about the shine! You're nothing without the shine. So I took some moisturizer and lathered it up into a pretty decent shine for the first try! I must say that I love it and may never go back.

Until next time...

July 11

Yesterday I made sure that I could come in early for my radiation treatment. Why would one want to come early for such things? Because it was my last day!

Today was also a day that my wife could go with me!

Everything went well and I returned home as usual, sick at my stomach, so I took things easy for most of the day - great way to spend your day off!

I can't begin to tell you how hungry I now feel multiple times each day. I feel like I'm in a race to get my taste back before I start losing more weight. I still weigh about 230, so it's not like I'm going to blow away! But each evening I have to drink a shake before I go to bed or I'll wake up with stomach pains that won't go away until I feed the beast - and do they hurt!

July 14

Today is the first day in about 6 weeks that I will not have to go to the Cancer Center! Mentally I keep telling myself that I'm now healing as I write this. Within a few hours I will have gone longer then I ever have in 6 weeks without radiation! While I don't feel any better physically, mentally it does make a difference.

I'm still hungry, don't feel the best, stomach hurts but I don't have to have any more treatments!

Yesterday was one of my toughest days. Before leading worship I thought I was going to hurl my shake! So, I went into my office for a while before and after morning prayer. I hated not being with everyone because that's important to me, but...

I still have a few hurdles in front of me before I'm 100%. I still get tired. I still get very hungry and my stomach hurts every day. I still have no taste. I still have that velvet feel on the roof of my mouth. I still have sores in my mouth, etc.

While I have never snored in my life, my wife says that I snore like a train now. She has been so gracious by letting me sleep, knowing that's one of the few times each day that I'm at peace.

In the midst of all this it has made me appreciate Worship even more. I have made a huge effort not to miss Worship over the last 10 years for anything except vacation. There is something sacred about taking scripture seriously when it comes to Worship. I just can't see blowing off Worship for anything other than being sick or perhaps vacation. I praise God that I have been able to suck it up during this process to continue to Worship Him each and every Sunday.

I continue to feel the power of prayer from all those that have kept me in constant prayer. Prayer is a very powerful spiritual tool that is greatly appreciated!

Throughout this process I chose to pray for someone else when they bolted me to the table with my mask. This became a very focused time for me to pray for others that were in need. Because of my panic attack early in the process of the mask, I prayed the Lord's Prayer and recited the Apostle's Creed the first week of radiation. From that point forward I began to pray for others because I already knew there were already plenty of people praying for me, there was no need to be redundant when I could pray for others!

Until next time...

BTW, spell check still not working so give me a little grace...

July 17

OK, so I thought at this point I might be experiencing a little progress. And I do mean a little progress. I realize I have been undergoing radiation treatments for about 6 weeks and I won't be back to 100% overnight! I got it.

But 2 days ago I started getting the king of all sore throats. I also have the biggest sore on the side of my tongue that you could ever imagine. Every time I talk it rubs against my teeth creating a lovely sensation in my mouth. My mouth is a mess!

Well I finally decided after my wife told me for the 20th time to call the doctor, to call the doctor - it's a guy thing so relax. He prescribed something called "Magic Mouthwash". If you search the web, many head and neck radiation patients swear by this stuff. I must admit that it's weird but effective! It's a thick liquid that you swish around in your mouth. It then numbs everything like being at the dentist.

One important note of interest... I'm not getting sick to my stomach as much as I was last week! That is a huge blessing.

Overall I'm doing well, all things considered. Would like to see more progress toward getting my taste back but oh well, I'll have to be patient.

Soon I'll be posting my food crave list, a list of food that I've been craving in the order that I hope to eat once again. Here's a short list that's subject to change in order:

Big Mac and Large Fry ( Odd, I haven't had a Big Mac in about 2 years)

Rosie's Chicken Nachos

Rosie's Chicken Burrito

Firehouse Sub on a Club fully involved

PF Changs

Cashew Turtle at the Chocolate Shop at Bridge Street

Moe's Home-wrecker with steak

Krystal (I know but when you haven't tasted anything in a while a lot of stuff sounds good)

Donatos Pizza

Bucks Pizza

And when I get to eat these things I'll enjoy every bite - literally! Grace before meals will take on a whloe new meaning!

Until next time!

July 30th

OK, it's been a few days since I updated you on my condition. So here's the skinny...

I am feeling much better!

I have started to eat soup for lunch and supper. I still lack taste but I am able to swallow them without gagging. Just to have something other than a liquid in my stomach is very soothing!

I have also started going back to the gym. They told me exercising was a good thing to do while undergoing radiation treatments. They said from the beginning to keep up a normal life. Yea, right! But now things are starting to feel like they used to - except for my taste. I no longer dread each meal from the time I finish the last one until the next. I'm not getting sick at my stomach anymore either.

So overall I'm slowly getting back to normal - as normal as I get anyway!

Until next time...

August 12th

Enough already! I know I haven't posted in a few days.

Well some pretty cool thinks have happened since the last post...

First it appears that the Bald Head is a winner! I must now say that Bald Guys have more fun! My hair is still not growing back yet and I'm good with that. My radiation nurses told me that it may not. That's cool too - whatcha gonna do anyway?

I'm feeling much better these days and trying to eat a little real food. Still mostly on shakes but I try new food weekly like a mad scientist. A bald mad scientist!

Last weekend we went to see Jeremy Camp in concert at Joe Davis stadium with some good friends. In the middle of the show I get this craving for Popcorn? My lovely wife offers to buy me some, which is good since she always has the money anyway. I end up eating the entire box by myself - just like a big boy! Granted it was like eating a handful of salt but I loved the taste. I told everyone seated around me that would listen. I've had a bag of popcorn everyday since. The Church now smells like a food stand at the fair! That's the most I've eaten in 4 months at one time! Yea baby!

One day I also tried a bite of a hotdog, the first few chews actually tasted normal then went to nothing. But hey, it's huge progress to me. I need to try to get real food into my system. It's almost like trying to learn to eat again. Did I mention that I almost ate 2 eggs a few weeks ago? The last bite got blown on the cabinets in the kitchen as I choked - just could not swallow that last bite before - well, you know! OK, that one was a little graphic but I told you I would write what it's really like to go through this! I did hold back without telling you they also splattered on the walls. Got it cleaned up before my wife saw it, or my last post might have ben my last post! Oh yeah, she will read this! I love you honey. My wife has been a real trooper as we have walked together through this.

Most accomplishments may not seem like much to others but they are huge to me. A few weeks ago even the thought of eating one bite of a hot dog was out of the question. An entire box of popcorn? No way! Picture Old Faithful! Maybe it would be better not to.

I still have a burned up tongue complete with a brown racing stripe but it's getting better. I do have some taste at first 9first couple of chews) which then goes away with most foods, but it's a start!

The toughest part currently is that I have one daughter back in school and another that will leave again for college this week. It only reminds me that I lost a summer with my family to radiation that I can't get back. My wife, girls, parents, sister, in-laws, friends and my churches have been wonderful to me throughout this entire nightmare, and for that I am thankful. Why did I not mention Christ in that sentence? If you know me that's a given! Without Christ I would have never gotten through this like I have.

BTW, I have since eaten a bowl of Chili and an entire hotdog. They still taste distorted but we're getting closer than we were last week!

Until next time...

August 20

Got a phone call yesterday reminding me of my radiology appointment today. Funny, I didn't recall an appointment. I quickly pulled out my stack of appointment cards and sure enough there it was.

Got there early and waited an hour.

Nurse calls my name. I step up on the scales and it reads 237, my weight is going back up, yeah baby!

The nurse then asks a thousand questions then tells me the proverbial "the Doctor shouldn't be long." In comes a female doctor that I have never met with before. She askes a few questions and I finally break the ice with "kinda hard coming in blind with a patient that you've never seen before isn't it?" We both laughed and were good to go from that point forward.

She too asks a few questions then puts on the ole rubber glove and askes me to open my mouth! Then she proceeds to run her index finger all around my mouth, upon completion I tell her, "That was interesting."

She starts to walk out of the room, I'm thinking it's all over, then she says that my doctor will be in to see me next.

Wow this is my lucky day, everyone is going to have a turn asking questions and prodding me in the mouth!

My Doctor arrives and asks even more questions. Then asks if the nurse has already numbed my nose. I'm thinking uh oh, I'm about to get scoped, which is always an interesting feeling. As he gets the numbing medication ready, I inform him that my ENT has better equipment to numb my nose than he does. He asks me if my ENT told me to tell him that. I said no, it's just coming from a patient that has had a lot of stuff stuck down their nose over the last several months. Just to get him again I told him, "You're not going to let an ENT have better equipment than you are you?" We both get a laugh. Of course at that point I realize he knows he's about to have the last laugh as he asks me to lean forward with the scope in his hand and proceeds to stick it down my nose. Wow, was it uncomfortable today as he slid that scope down my nose to look at where the tumor once resided. It brought a tear to my right eye! And have I ever told you what a pleasure it is when he pulls it out?

He said things looked fine and then came the reality of having had cancer. It all came back around when he said we need to set you up for a head and neck CT scan. Then we'll need to keep a check on your blood work. I need to set you up an appointment with your oncology doctor.

There is nothing like being reminded that we need to keep a watch on all this, then knowing that there will always be more tests, scans, and blood work to do - forever. I just hope I don't have to have that Bone Marrow Biopsy thingy done again - that hurt!

Oh well, watcha gonna do?

Until next time...

September

September 4th

I visited the Doctor a couple of weeks ago... While there I was informed that I will still have some good and bad days! It's been 4 weeks since my last treatment and I've been feeling much better - whatta ya mean I'll still have some good and bad days?

Well, that following week I started to get sick at my stomach again! Had a few days in which I felt tired again. All I could think of is - What's up with this? I had been feeling pretty good, trying new foods and all that stuff.

So, today I decided to take action. I searched the web for any information I could find related to diets after radiation etc... I'm tired of this junk! Well, I found a lot of stuff, none of it was what I wanted to hear. It seems that it's going to take a while longer to get back to normal - as normal as I get, anyway.

New approach...

I have decided not to get upset when I can't eat food. Every time that I tried to eat real food and couldn't, I got depressed and upset with myself. My new approach is now to just get the calories any way I can and the real food part will eventually come.

Can you say, hello Ensure, hello protein shakes, hello to whatever else will keep me ticking and moving in the right direction!

Currently my real food selections consists of:

Grits with Fried Eggs mixed in (these taste pretty good)

Yogurt (very sour and distorted)

Chili (distorted)

End of list...

Physically speaking...

I have lost some weight but not a ton but it is noticeable now. I'm actually closer to my BMI correct weight (I do not recommend this program as a weight loss program!)

I keep a nasty taste in my mouth and try to equalize it with gum.

Have a fat yellow stripe that goes down my tongue (better than down my back)

I've let some hair grow back on top of my head but the radiation is still claiming victory on the hair on the back of my head - looks really weird.

Trying to exercise again.

I just asked my youngest daughter what else I've been and she said "You've been a pain", maybe I'm doing better than I thought at returning back to normal!

Until next time...

October 8th

OK, enough already - again, I know I haven't posted in a few weeks, close your pie hole and read... :-)

A few weeks ago I went for a CT scan. This will become a part of my life! Had one with and without contrast (Doctor Talk) which means one with and one without this stuff in my veins. Of course I had to wait over a weekend to get the results.

Patiently await the results. Patiently, Patiently, no more patience, I call the Doc for the news.

Nurses are busy but they will call me back. Phone rings, I answer - I've been trained that way, something about that bell. The nurse literally does a drum roll then lets me know everything is negative. Negative? What exactly does negative mean in relation to cancer? So I ask her, is that good or bad? Let's develop a new system like - Tony, it's all good or it's cool or something like that! Where else do we use the work negative to mean something positive? Everything was good!

These days the number one question I get is, how's your taste?

It's better, but nothing to write home about. I have had a few victories. While I do have some taste most things are highly distorted still. I say most things... Last week for my birthday dinner we went to Red Lobster. I'm thinking this is going to be a cruel trick if it tastes really, really bad. I'm used to things tasting really bad, it's the really, really bad that really gets you! I order stuffed flounder with scallops, with water. The water had traces of a DIRT taste. The meal? Believe it or not, it tasted pretty good. Not like it should, but hey, I'll take a little progress any day these days! So I was a happy birthday boy.

I have since realized that tuna fish tastes pretty good. I'm starting to see this fish motif forming. Maybe a trip to Destin, Florida is in store!

Now, the biggest comment that I get these days is, Tony I see your hair is growing back! That's right, I'm no longer bald. The hair in the back has started growing once again, much to everyone's delight. I personally liked the bald look. I did notice one day when I was bald that when I made this certain face I looked like that demon thingy in Passion of the Christ. Oh well!

Julie and I also had the opportunity to go to Disney together. A great family in my church covered the condo for us! It was greatly appreciated. I will try to write an entire post about that trip soon.

I'm praying that my taste is good by Thanksgiving. It ws bad enough to go through July 4th without any taste but Thanksgiving? Please! But I must admit, at the rate things are progressing I don't see it happening. But, having said that, I am now eating more real food than shakes, so that's a good thing!

Until next time....

October 23

Ok, I'm back. Told you I'd tell you about our Disney Trip. Ok, I know it's a little off topic but I'll add some cancer stuff at the end...

Julie and I had the opportunity to spend a week in Orlando, just the two of us. First time we have been away from our kids for this long, I was worried that I might drive Julie nuts, I have the capability! In fact this was the first time that I had taken 2 weeks off in a row. Several ministers that I respect encouraged me to do this.

Had a multiple hour delay from the Huntsville airport due to a door seal not closing properly. That's cool, take your time and let's get that fixed before I get on the plane! Arrived in Orlando early afternoon, rented a car and we were off to our hotel which was absolutely number one. Thanks to the family that helped us with the room!

At the time I was very nervous about this trip. I was still not eating well and didn't know how my body would respond if I didn't get food at just the right time like I would if I were at home. So, first stop after check in was Publix! Got a bunch of fruit and milk! Good to go.

I know you don't want all the details - like nobody really likes looking at someone else's vacation pictures! But...

We went to see La Nouba, the circus on steroids, and we purchased 5 day park hopper passes to Disney.

This would be the first time I was away from my comfort zone of having food I could eat at my house. This honestly made me nervous, very nervous. I can't describe what it feels like when I start needing food. It's very uncomfortable to the point that it almost hurts. When we scheduled the trip we were hoping that my taste would have progressed further than it actually had. All in all it went very well. I mostly ate fruit and ice cream! I now what you're thinking, how great is that. But remember it all tastes really horrible to me. It's just the lesser of 2 evils.

Overall we had a great time. My eating situation was tolerable ans I survived.

As of this writing I'm doing much better.

My churches, Genesis and The Harbour continue to be very understanding and encouraging. I have the best group of leaders in both churches that a minister could ask for!

Last week it seemed that my taste had taken two steps backwards but last night I ate some Chicken stuff that tasted pretty close to normal (didn't really like the taste of it before I went through this Cancer stuff), so the joke was on me! Other stuff still tastes bad!

I am back in the gym which is a big part of my life.

So I'm still looking for the miracle of taste by Thanksgiving!

I want to encourage you to seriously think God today for the little things like taste. There are so many things that we take for granted that we should be thankful for and taste is one of them.

Until next time...

December 12

Ok, so it's been a few weeks and I have a lot of news to share...

Let's start with my last doctor visit.

Thought it would be a check up of sorts. It was a little more than I had expected, boy did they take a lot of blood! Then there was the forever wait in the exam room. So here is the scoop after talking to the Doc. He told me that they would not bother me if the blood work looked fine. After a couple of weeks I have not received a call! I may call anyway just to make sure.

So what else did he say? He said that we would meet every 6 months to do blood work. At the 5 year mark we will go to the once a year plan. Then after 10 years if I'm clear of any Cancer then they will say I am cured. Would have liked to hear that I'm cured in less than 10 years but oh well - whatcha gonna do? In-between these visits I will also continue to see my Radiology Doctor and ENT.

So how is my food situation?

Well, it's better but not great. Thanksgiving was a real let down as far as the food was concerned. Had a lot to be thankful for - I got that, but it's depressing to miss July 4th and now Thanksgiving in the food arena! Let me just say that dressing has a dirt taste!

I do eat select regular food now more than ever. So that's a big plus. But, it is not a great experience. I do not look forward to most eating situations and it has created a problem with any type of traveling. Unfortunately it's hard to understand and even harder for people to understand. That's the most frustrating part, there is really no good way for others to understand what this taste thing is all about and how it messes up your regular activities in life. You feel like you're hungry all the time because you can't get full. If I don't eat at certain times it becomes even worse.

So here is the blue ribbon list of desired food:

Zaxby's Hot Honey Mustard Wings

Rosie's Chicken Nachos

McDonald's Bacon Egg and Cheese

Egg Sandwich

That's about it! All other food I just do my best to eat. Not all of it is a struggle like it once was, yet it's not the best. Depending on the food, some becomes a paste in my mouth as my mouth now gets mega dry.

So, I'm making progress, and realistically it hasn't been that long since my last radiation treatment. I had hoped to be eating better by Thanksgiving but it didn't happen. Christmas is the next goal but I don't see it happening.

Oh, yeah, the Doctor said that the possibility exists that my taste and mouth moisture (OK, I'm dancing around saying that the spit in my mouth isn't working at full capacity!) may not get any better, but due to the progress that I've already made, I think it will. Even if it doesn't I can get by as is.

Overall life is good and my family and churches continue to take good care of me and continue to put up with me! Except for my food situation life is close to what it once was. So life is good!

Until next time...

January 29

OK, it's been a day or two so here's the skinny...

Christmas food did not go that well, so I've missed another wonderful eating event.

Next I'm hoping for July 4th which I missed last year (this was the day I decided to shave my head last year!).

My hair is finally back!

Visited my Oncologist several weeks ago and had some blood work done. He told me that he will be checking me periodically along with my Radiology Oncologist and my ENT. After 10 years if there hasn't been any sign of Cancer, they will declare me cured! Excuse me, I thought you said 10 years? Yeah, it's 10 years! Would like to have heard a smaller digit, but oh well. He said things looked good!

He also reminded me that this type of cancer can manifest itself anywhere in my body. That if it should return it won't necessarily be in my throat where I found it last time. Therefore, I'll continue to do periodic blood work etc... He also told me that this type of cancer doesn't always show up well on any type of scan. Thanks again!

I just returned today from my ENT a few minutes ago. I was spared the light scope down my nose today. He pushed all over my neck, looked in my throat as well as my nose and said all was well! Woohooooooo!

You never know when you visit if they will find anything, so to say it's an adrenaline rush while they are looking at you is an understatement. Can you say anxiety!

I have also returned to the gym and my strength is coming back.

So things are great for today!

Here's the progress report:

I'm eating more real food than ever before. Nothing tastes correct but some things are close - very few. Every other week I try to eat the same thing to see if there's been any progress.

The biggest problem that has gone south is my saliva. My mouth will dry out after a few bites of food make it a paste in my mouth. It's much better but still would like to have that moistness when chewing my food.

Foods that are pretty good:

Egg Sandwich
Bacon, Egg and Cheese - Just got really good this week! No need to worry about cancer - the bacon grease may take me first! :-)
Italian Sub fully involved from Firehouse Subs
Homewrecker Burrito from Moe's (Welcome to Moe's)
Cheese pizza from Donotos Pizza
Spicy Chicken Taco from Taco Bell

Recent Bad food (can eat it but doesn't taste so good)

Five Guy's Cheeseburger
Subway

Well, there you have it!

Thanks to everyone for keeping me in your prayers, with Christ I don't think I would have kept my wonderful outlook throughout this process!

Nobody likes a whiner! That's why I've tried to keep this whole blog a tongue in cheek thing and never whine about my situation!

Until next time...

You are What You Read

2008-04-01T10:07:00.006-05:00

I still remember the food pyramid that was drilled into my head every time I entered my High School lunchroom. Not too far from it was always the accompanying mantra - "You Are What You Eat."

Most nutritionists still agree with this concept.

Another mantra that I believe holds true is that - "We Are What We Read."

Several months ago at a Leadership Seminar sponsored by John Maxwell (he was actually conducting the seminar) I was reminded how true this is. He believes that his success is a direct reflection on how much he has read over the years. His belief is the best way to invest in others is to invest in yourself. One way to invest in yourself is to become an avid reader - something I wasn't but knew I had to become one.

So periodically I will post what I've read (since December) and what I'm currently reading...

The One Year Bible - Tyndale

Leadership 101 - John Maxwell

Winning with People - John Maxwell

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership - John Maxwell

The Preaching Life - Barbara Brown Taylor

John Wesley and the Methodists - Cyril Davey

Currently reading the latest edition of Rev Magazine

While reading this particular book on John Wesley (founder of Methodism) I was reminded how much he read and wrote as a minister. I know desire to do the same - for those that attend the church that I currently serve, you know I have the writing part down. Now if I can just continue to keep the reading part going...

You are what you read!

Spiritual Growth and New Facilities

2008-03-31T11:49:00.004-05:00

After sending a lengthy Email to the members of the church I'm currently serving asking that everyone consider attending Morning Prayer, I received this Email. I think it's a God thing...

What follows was originally written by Bishop Will Willimon of the North Alabama Conference of the United Methodist Church.

GOING DEEPER SPIRITUALLY

During a great workshop with Tom Bandy at Friendship United Methodist Church (thanks to Mike Stonebreaker and Hal Noble for making this happen.), a layperson asked, “What do you do when you want your church to grow but your pastor just won’t lead in evangelism?”
I thought Bandy would respond to the question with, “you need a different pastor,” or “you and the Board get together and insist that your pastor get busy.” Bandy said none of that. He responded, “If you want to change your church or your pastor, you need to go deeper spiritually, you will need to pray more and go deeper in Scripture.”
Wow. An organizational/management guru like Tom Bandy telling us we’ll never grow organizationally without growing spiritually? Lord help us if we think we can be faithful to Christ and achieve our priorities as a church on our own. Nothing Jesus commands us to do, does he command us to do by ourselves? This is Christ’s Church, not ours. Christ’s mission, not our program.
We ought to set our Conference priorities so high, ought to hold ourselves accountable to such lofty expectations, ought to demand such dramatic results, that if we do not go deeper spiritually, we will utterly fail.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a church move from maintenance to ministry, from decline to growth, from the chaplain to the church members, to a mission mover to the word where someone in leadership had not explained a new dimension of spiritual depth. It’s a God thing.
When I was made bishop, that day Bishop Marion Edwards hugged me and noted, “Friend, you are just about to experience a new dimension in your prayer life.”
I found this to be true.

William H. Willimon

Tenth Easter Worship

2008-03-19T09:46:00.006-05:00

It's Holy Week, and as I sit here I'm losing weight thinking about how many services I have chosen to conduct. Palm Sunday is past, but Maundy Thursday Communion, Good Friday, Easter Sunrise, and two Easter services at two different churches are still on the horizon, let's also throw in an Egg Hunt on Saturday to really get the anxiety going.

In the midst of all this wonderful activity that I love to do and have been called to, I almost forgot that this is our Tenth Easter worship at one of the churches I serve - The Harbour! It was April 1999 that we had our first Public Worship with a grand total of 50 or so people (I was expecting a minimum of 100 that day and hoped for 150!).

The Sunday before last we had 150 in attendance!

This also made me reminisce about the past. I went back and looked at pictures of our humble beginnings. The two on this post reminded me of days when we didn't have a paved parking lot and we needed to build a retaining wall - we were so proud of that accomplishment. The other picture reminded me of days gone by when we did cafe worship. The sanctuary was filled with tables and chairs. This particular pic was of a band night held long ago but shows what the Sanctuary looked like.

Boy have things changed - mainly people's lives. This place has seen a ton of Baptisms - many were adult Baptisms! We now have a vibrant Children's Church, Jr. High Youth, and Sr. High Youth program, Adult Bible Studies, College and Career program, and a staffed Nursery program. Oh, yeah, we now also have a paved parking lot! We're wireless throughout the church. We have multiple screens for Worship. We've come a long ways!

Next week we will be having a really, really, big announcement. We will be presenting our Proposed New Facility plans for our new Sanctuary. It will be a very nice structure, very practical, and I pray that everyone likes it. I realize that may be dreaming a bit, but one can hope. Rarely does everyone agree on everything 100% in church matters. But that keeps everything in check - it's a good thing.

While reminiscing about the past is usually fun in these situations, God is really interested in our future - at least that's my belief. That's the way He has always operated. So I hope that we will move at light speed to create a new tool - a worship facility - to help assist God in changing lives - a place where the future is important.

Which reminds me, I need to get back to creating Holy Week services, that hopefully people will attend!

Volunteer Revolution

2008-02-19T09:27:00.008-06:00

As I look over my copy of Rev Magazine I find myself drawn to a book recommendation. The title is "the Volunteer Revolution" by Bill Hybels, and it brings up memories of my past.

In my early church life I attended Frazer United Methodist (picture in upper left corner of this post). One of the foundational beliefs of the church was that every member should be involved in ministry. The yearly campaign was called In His Steps - Every Member in Ministry. The odd thing is that it actually worked! At that time we had an incredible staff to member ratio. Frazer was, and is, powered by congregational involvement in ministry. They now have over 8,000 members!

Imagine if we really had a Volunteer Revolution in the church today. A shift from a minister centered model to a congregational centered model. Imagine what several hundred people could accomplish verses just a few! Imagine the Spiritual Growth and Numerical Growth possibilities.

The cool part is that it can actually happen, I've seen it before, a Volunteer Revolution - and it all begins with you! Get involved today in your local church and see what Christ can do through you. There will always be a place for you to serve if you are willing - Christ is depending on it!

A Time of Preparation...

2008-01-30T09:11:00.003-06:00

With Ash Wednesday just around the corner I find myself reflecting on the season of Lent.

Here are a few ideas to ponder in relation to our Spiritual Growth and the opportunity that Lent provides. These ideas come from The New Handbook of The Christian Year...

Lent is a time for evangelism and for true conversion - a time for growing through repentance, fellowship, prayer, fasting and concentration of baptismal covenant...
(P.106)

Ash Wednesday is a particular time for new beginnings in the faith, a time for returning to the Lord. On this day we recall our mortality and wait upon the Lord for a renewing spirit. This is a time for putting aside the sins and failures of the past in the light of who we are yet to become by the grace of God...(p.106)

These are important points to ponder at this time of year.

Tony

Morning Prayer, Patience and Moved Hearts

2007-11-12T15:46:00.002-06:00

At the church I serve we have a time of prayer each morning before Worship. We call it "Morning Prayer", pretty creative, huh?

It's a simple time, we gather for 15 minutes to silently pray for only two things - Spiritual and Numerical Growth of our church.

It has become a special time for many, to focus on God before Worship. It is a very special time for me personally, as I prepare for Worship, helping me slow down and focus on what's important.

The small group that faithfully participates each Sunday seems to appreciate visitors and new Bible Studies more than others - surprise, surprise! Baptisms take on a new significance after one has faithfully prayed for Spiritual and Numerical growth of their church with others on a weekly basis.

It is my hope that others will begin to make their way into the Sanctuary to pray together this week in Morning Prayer.

It's so simple and easy. Sit silently - pray together. 15 minutes. Yet, it does so much for the spirit when Worship begins, to have already been focusing on God.

As I write this I'm looking forward to gathering with others this Sunday morning. If you are reading this and have never attended this special time, then I look forward to one day sitting in the same room, together, praying silently - Spiritual Growth, Numerical Growth.

For those that aren't attending, remember we prayed for you last week and we will be praying for you this week... Until that day comes when we're in Morning Prayer together, I'll be patient and allow God to move hearts as He has throughout biblical history... Morning Prayer.

Tony

Sabbath? Part 2...

2007-09-19T11:15:00.002-05:00

If you haven't already read "Sabbath?" do that at this time then read this post...

I'm finishing "Leaving Church" by Barbara Brown Taylor.

At this particular point she is reflecting on the importance of the Sabbath...

"With sundown on the Sabbath, I stop seeing the dust balls, the bills, and the laundry. They are still there, but they lose their power over me. One day each week I live as if all my work were done. I live as if the kingdom has come and when I do the kingdom comes, for one day at least. Now, when I know the Sabbath is near, I can feel the anticipation bubbling up inside of me.Sabbath is no longer a good idea or even a spiritual discipline for me. It is my regular date with the Divine Presence that enlivens both body and soul" (from page 228)

To add anything at this point would be mere commentary.

Sabbath?

2007-09-18T07:51:00.002-05:00

Over the last several days I've been reflecting on the importance of Sunday as it relates to the Spiritual Life and public worship.

While reading "Leaving Church - a Memoir of Faith", by Barbara Brown Taylor, I read a very interesting chapter that focused on the idea of Sabbath.

Barbara tells of a friend she had while in high school that was the star of the basketball team. He was also Jewish. This meant that he strictly observed the Sabbath, which for him was Friday. Therefore, on Friday nights the team would get pounded by the opposing team on a regular basis due to David's absence.

After those Friday night games many of David's teammates would go to David's house and give a detailed account of the game. "David would sit there in his kippah, openly delighted by the blow-by-blow description of the game...I still remember the night someone asked David if it did not kill him to have to sit at home on Friday nights while his team was getting slaughtered in the high school gymnasium.
"No one makes me do this," he said. I'm a Jew, and Jews observe the Sabbath." Six days a week, he said, he loved nothing more than playing basketball, and he gladly gave all he had to the game. On the seventh day, he loved being a Jew more than he loved playing basketball, and he just as gladly gave all he had to the Sabbath. Sure he felt a tug, but that was the whole point. Sabbath was his chance to remember what was really real." from page 137.

I am a Christian, therefore I go to Worship on Sunday. Do I sometimes feel a tug, sure! But that's the point.

Sunday is my chance to remember what's real, what's really important.

New Religion...

2007-09-10T08:23:00.002-05:00

Be careful or you will be enticed and turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. Then the Lord's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce, and you will soon perish from the good land the Lord is giving you. Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up...
Deuteronomy 11:16-19 NIV

"Other Gods?", "bow down?", surely not in 2007! We're a civilized people, we're intelligent people, we're smarter than that! We bow only at the altar of the Trinity; the Father, Son (Jesus Christ) and the Holy Spirit. Surely we've learned from our old ways, we don't want to repeat Old Testament history, we know better...

What could possibly become another God in 2007?

I believe it is the god known as "Excuses." It's a god that's not spoken of much these days but the religion associated with this God is alive and appears to be flourishing, catching America by a storm.

I believe it's gaining ground on Christianity due to its lack of commitment. We really don't like commitment. Running a close second to commitment would have to be it's lack of accountability. We don't like being held accountable. With this god/religion and it's two key doctrines of Lack of Commitment and No Accountability, it's easy to see why it's gaining so many followers so quickly!

This growing religion also has a incredible way of convincing Christians to bow at this new god's altar without them even realizing it. They seem to be using the Christian Church to help with their recruiting (very ingenious)...

The conversion process begins with just a simple question. The question is changed on a regular basis so no one catches on to the process. It usually goes something like this:

Would you consider helping with the __________ at church this Sunday?
Would you consider teaching the ________ class this Sunday?
Would you consider being on the __________ Team at _________ church this year?
Would you consider bringing a covered dish of ________ to the Pot Luck Dinner this week?

Why aren't you involved in youth anymore?
Why don't you get involved in a Bible Study?
Why aren't you volunteering somewhere in the church?
Why haven't you given your testimony?

Could you help clean the church this Sunday?
Could you help with the grass at church?
Could you read the scripture this week?

Believe me they have plenty of other questions to keep you off balance! Before you realize it, as they ask you these questions you fall victim to their tactics and start bowing to the god of excuses with responses like:

I quit coming because nobody spoke to me...
Sunday is the only day I can sleep in...
I don't feel comfortable giving my testimony...
I'm too busy...
My kids are already in so many things...
I had a bad experience once...
I didn't get my way so I...
People in the church are just a bunch of hypocrites...
I didn't like the music...
The music is too loud...
The message was too long...
I wasn't getting fed...
It was too deep...
It was too shallow...
When I have the time...
All they do is talk about money...
My kids didn't like it...
They didn't offer enough...

So how do I know so much about this god/religion of excuses? I once followed that god. I once bowed at that altar. I once loved the two key doctrines of their faith - Lack of Commitment and Lack of Accountability!

I praise God, the one true God, that this happened in my younger days! I hate to think what it would be like to be at my age still serving the god/religion of excuses. Why? Because I would have missed out on the biggest joy of my life, serving Christ! Yes, it's sometimes a drag to be held accountable and be committed to something when something else comes up. Yes, there are still some days where I catch myself in front of that Excuse altar again. But, the joys of being committed and being held accountable have FAR outweighed the negatives. Yes, I still have some days that I feel down but the up days far outweigh them. Plus, now that I make up fewer excuses as to why I don't do this or that, I don't feel guilty as much as I once did! I always felt guilty when I made up an excuse so that I could blame someone/something other than my new religion of Excuses.

Be careful or you will be enticed and turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them.

Making a Difference?

2007-07-10T07:50:00.003-05:00

I just read Entry #12 in Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus as part of my morning devotion.

In this entry he tells a story of Mallard ducks that take up residence in his private pool. Before long there are baby ducks everywhere. Life is good, things are cute... until...

Until nature begins to take its course as predators begin to decimate the sweet little helpless baby ducks. One by one they are picked off.

This entire situation is very alarming for Erwin's family. They now find themselves trying to help the mother duck defend off crows that are swooping down and taking the ducklings.

One night Erwin finds himself getting up in the middle of the night believing he's heard a baby duck crying out. He's a nervous wreck. His nights are becoming more difficult as he worries about the safety of the ducks.

Then one night it's as though God is speaking to him (not audibly, but he just gets that spiritual feeling thing), "Erwin, do you know how you feel about that duckling? The anguish that you are feeling at this moment, that's how I feel for every human being that walks the face of this earth. If you could just care about people the way you are caring about that mallard at this moment, it would make you a different person. You would know the heart of God." (from entry 12)

I believe God wants us to make a difference. Part of making a difference should include taking an interest in others coming to know Christ in a personal way. When is the last time you made a difference in someones life by introducing them to the Church and telling them about Christ?

I realize that it may be hard to believe, but you can attend church your entire life and never really make a difference. It's your choice as to what level you want to get involved in the ministries of the church. But, as your level of involvement increases so do the chances of making a difference in someones life (maybe yours).

Are you involved in the ministries of your church? Do you care about people?

Are you making a difference?

If you could just care about people the way you care about __________ at this moment, it would make you a different person. You would know the heart of God.

Church Hopping

2007-06-27T13:20:00.001-05:00

I just read an article called "Confessions of a Church Hopper" by Lynn H. Pryor. It was great! Here are a few excerpts from the article - once again, not my stuff but Lynn H. Pryor's stuff...
Setting: Group Therapy for Church Hoppers...
"My name is Murray and I'm a church Hopper."
"I used to go to first church, but I didn't like the preacher's style. He was getting a little personal, you know? So I went to Lakeside...I liked it at first, but the potluck dinners had too much spice...So I went to Grant Avenue Church but I didn't like the way the pastor's wife dressed...Someone tell me what kind of hopper Murray is?...He's a Happy Hopper - one who expects the church to make us happy. If something isn't to our liking we move on to the next church...until something there doesn't make us happy...Let's review some other types...The Hungry Hopper who says...I'm not being fed - who's supposed to be feeding you anyway - you are, you feed yourself with Bible reading, study and prayer...The Healthy Hopper who leaves church because he thinks it's dying. He wants to be a part of a growing church...There will always be little things that irritate you at church because it's made up of people..."

Great article!

While this is a great article, I do believe that there are times in which God may call someone into a new church situation. But I also have known people that for the slightest reason want to leave when the going gets tough. There is a difference in the two. One hears a calling from God, the other hears a calling from themselves!

It's easy to criticize the church but difficult to put forth the effort to make it better!

In the church I serve there have been quite a few families that felt God's call to leave the church they were attending to help us here with new ministries. They have really made a difference and we have been very blessed and thankful that they heard God's call!

The next time someone tells you they want to leave the church, ask them if they feel called by God or themselves.

Influence Part 2

2007-05-17T14:46:00.001-05:00

If you haven't already read my "Influence" post below this post, take time to do that now...

I actually didn't intend to write a part 2 but it just seemed to fit as I was reading Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus...

On page 223 I find a very inspiring challenge as it relates to influencing others...

"Is the activity of God so powerful around you that it compels others to join you? Do you follow Christ with such passion that others are drawn to join the movement of God? Are you a God magnet? Do people watch your life and conclude, "Everywhere she goes God shows up"? But you know that the more accurate description is that everywhere God goes, you show up."

While the mass marketing of the church has been very helpful in getting people to attend, the personal invitation is still number one.

Maybe the life we live can provide that personal invitation too? Who's joined you lately?

Influence

2007-04-19T09:39:00.001-05:00

I've always been a big believer that you are either being influenced by others, or you're influencing others.

As I was reading this morning, this idea was reinforced by the words of Erwin McManus:

"While manipulation is inherently evil, influence is the best way to lead and move others toward what is good. The proper use of influence is essential if we are going to seize divine moments. We must always remember that God's greatest moments for us are never for us alone. They are always about our lives touching the lives of others."

Are you being influenced or are you influencing others?

Are you allowing others to dictate what life decisions you are making? Or, are you influencing others in positive ways, ways that are pleasing to God?

Influence... Our lives touching the lives of others... God's greatest moments for us are never for us alone...

Sunday After...

2007-04-12T08:25:00.001-05:00

A few years ago a young lady told me - "We really blew it last Sunday!" Luckily she was not a part of our congregation! She went on to explain that on Easter Sunday they had used all the Bells and Whistles that their congregation could muster. She admitted that it was a very impressive service and enjoyed by all.

But her concern was...

What were returning visitors going to think when they returned the Sunday after Easter? The service that was modeled on Easter wasn't close to the one that would be modeled the Sunday after.

If you're prone to do a direct mail piece the week of Easter inviting your community to your Easter service, the Sunday after may actually be more important than Easter. Why? Because many already have a church for Easter - the old family church, maybe they will worship with grandparents, maybe with another friend, etc...

But, the Sunday after Easter may be the first time they are able to check out your church. Unfortunately, many years ago the Sunday after usually had low attendance. Why? How can you top an Easter service that had all the Bells and Whistles of the week before? People know the level of excitement would be less than the week before.

Of course Easter should be a very special day - that's without question! But where do we draw the line so the Sunday after is another mini-Easter as every Sunday should be?

Faith

2007-04-04T08:11:00.002-05:00

OK, so the title of this post may not jump out and grab you, but it should.

Faith. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

What happens to our faith over time as it relates to risk taking? It's been my experience that over time we take it for granted. As we get older we seem to forget the excitement of our early days of being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Many become complacent. What took faith to accomplish yesterday seems commonplace today. Maybe that's why many flat line in their faith and feel it's OK to start coasting?

These thoughts materialized while reading "Chasing Daylight" by my favorite author, Erwin McManus.

In a section entitled "Stepping It Up" he states:

"This relationship between faith and uncertainty is inescapable. What required faith for you yesterday may become commonplace for you tomorrow. Although they are still expressions of your faith, they are no longer the challenges that launch you to a new-faith experience. While at first simply trusting God to take you outside your experience is a huge leap of faith, eventually God will expect more of you. Remember, faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Once something is a certainty, it no longer requires faith. Do not be surprised that what God asked of you yesterday is insufficient for your journey of faith today."

Faith. New-Faith. New-Faith Experience. God. Me. You. Us.

Pop Culture, Time and Christ

2007-03-06T08:23:00.001-06:00

Today I've been contemplating the relationship between pop culture, time and Christ.

What's your favorite TV show? 24? Lost? Heros? Perhaps with the recent court battles related to Anna Nicole Smith it's the Court TV channel.

Being an avid reality TV fan myself, I'm trying to pull back a little from my TV viewing. I dream of all the things I can accomplish with the time I'm spending watching the latest Pop Culture TV show.

I wonder how the world might be impacted if we were as dedicated to Christ, Worship attendance, and our Spiritual Growth as we are to our Pop Culture TV shows?

I'm thinking about having a TV free night or two just to see what happens. Who knows, I might actually learn something new?

Community

2007-02-05T08:21:00.001-06:00

I just returned from a retreat in Gatlinburg that focused Community. It was based on the early church that's discussed in Acts 2:42.

This retreat reinforced my belief that Community is an important part of the Christian life. One can become active only in Worship and totally miss a critical part of the Christian Life known as community.

A community takes care of its members. I've witnessed this taking place in various ways. We eat together, we do things together, we check on one another, we share joys and sorrows, we care about one another.

This takes place as we get to know one another. Many miss out on this wonderful experience that many of us know as community. They fail to get involved in other church activities. They focus mainly on Worship. As a result many people recognize them but never get to know them.

Last weekend part of the community met in Gatlinburg. We fellowshipped together. We ate together. We laughed together. We hurt (Those that fell skiing and ice skating), we got to know one another better, we sang together, and we worshiped together.

Each year we have the opportunity to get involved in Community. Community was important to the early church and it remains important to this day.

Prayer

2007-01-30T07:30:00.001-06:00

As I listened to my favorite radio show, "Rick and Bubba", I was touched by the story of Shelly. Actually the story reinforced how awesome prayer is.

Shelly was technically dead at the scene of a car accident. She was young and her life offered so much promise. It happened on the eve of Christmas Eve 2006. While technically dead at the scene by man's standards, God had other plans!

Mark, her dad, told a story of how Bubba had visited the hospital on Christmas day. Mark was touched that he would leave his family on Christmas day to have prayer. Bubba got on a knee and had prayer with him that his daughter might survive. He told of the power of that prayer.

Bubba expressed how cool it is that we serve a God that hears prayers with our name attached, and it goes straight to His desk and He listens!

Mark also said that after the first 48 hours he wrote down the name of anyone that helped Shelly - Doctors, Nurses, EMT's, Fireman, etc... 13 or so days after the accident she was doing well enough to visit the fireman that were first on the scene. They were touched that she had come by. They expressed their joy because most never take the time to come back so they can see what happened to those they've helped.

How often do we send a prayer to God, straight to His desk, with a name that we know, and never share with others the result of that prayer.

I have to admit that of the prayers I've been asked to pray by other people, probably less than 5% ever follow up to tell us the result. I wonder why?

BTW, Shelly is doing great!

Walking

2007-01-15T15:49:00.001-06:00

Why don't I walk more?

The benefits are widely reported...

Walkers appear to have less incidence of...
Cancer
Heart Disease
Stroke
and Diabetes.

Walking doesn't require any prior knowledge or skill base. No specialized equipment - just a pair of good fitting shoes. You can do it on a neighborhood street so it's always convenient.

Whenever I do take the time to walk it helps reduce stress and allows me to contemplate my day.

In this fast paced world maybe walking would help us in everyday living. Help us unwind. Help us contemplate our role in this world. Help us to contemplate our existence. Help us get closer to God.

A lot of things could happen with just a simple walk.

Baggage

2007-01-11T07:25:00.001-06:00

Our home is in the process of being painted (a very soothing yellow). In order to paint, my bookshelves had to be totally cleared! Tons of books, too many books - religious books. Once I cleared the shelves I realized how much extra baggage I had accumulated. Books I haven't used in years, kept them because I thought well..., maybe I would need them. I didn't need many of them - too much baggage. I had to do the unthinkable, throw some away, give some away (makes one a little nervous to throw away religious stuff!). After this cleansing of the shelves I actually felt great. Some clutter, some baggage was gone. It feels good.

I wonder why we cling to our old baggage, and don't clean our shelves sooner? Many people would feel so much better if they would just clear the baggage, give it away and move on.